It's nights like tonight that I usually keep to myself. The grief I feel is overwhelming. I've cried
so much, I can barely breath as the tears and snot run down my face. Truly and ugly cry night. My cheeks are stained, my eyes are swollen, and I'm exhausted. I couldn't seem to stop the tears. Tonight I grieve. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last but tonight I grieve deeply. I grieve for the loss off my love, the loss of our future, and the loss of my best friend. The one who made me laugh, and the one that made me smile when there were moments like this, but he is gone, and that is sad.
Sadly, it seems easy for a few to judge me about how I grieve. They judge weather I cry enough or miss Shaun enough. First, how would they know. They don't know! I rarely let anyone know when I cry. I prefer it that way. I don't post about it often, because I don't want the attention it would bring. I wonder if they only knew how often I had moments like tonight... if they would still judge as harshly.
Do they honestly think I don't miss Shaun? Do they honestly think he isn't a part of my life still. Little do they know, that I get on myself for crying to much in fact. I don't have to justify how I grieve or how much I grieve to anyone. I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. It's not their life to live , their path, their journey or their grief to feel. Love is not measured in tears, otherwise I'd be swimming in an ocean of it. It's not a competition on who grieves the most or the best. I grieve in a way that feels right and makes sense to me. I grieve deeply and often, but I also choose to live. I choose to celebrate Shaun's life, and live my own as much as I can, so that it makes those sad moments like tonight, bearable, because tonight I grieve.
so much, I can barely breath as the tears and snot run down my face. Truly and ugly cry night. My cheeks are stained, my eyes are swollen, and I'm exhausted. I couldn't seem to stop the tears. Tonight I grieve. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last but tonight I grieve deeply. I grieve for the loss off my love, the loss of our future, and the loss of my best friend. The one who made me laugh, and the one that made me smile when there were moments like this, but he is gone, and that is sad.
Sadly, it seems easy for a few to judge me about how I grieve. They judge weather I cry enough or miss Shaun enough. First, how would they know. They don't know! I rarely let anyone know when I cry. I prefer it that way. I don't post about it often, because I don't want the attention it would bring. I wonder if they only knew how often I had moments like tonight... if they would still judge as harshly.
Do they honestly think I don't miss Shaun? Do they honestly think he isn't a part of my life still. Little do they know, that I get on myself for crying to much in fact. I don't have to justify how I grieve or how much I grieve to anyone. I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything. It's not their life to live , their path, their journey or their grief to feel. Love is not measured in tears, otherwise I'd be swimming in an ocean of it. It's not a competition on who grieves the most or the best. I grieve in a way that feels right and makes sense to me. I grieve deeply and often, but I also choose to live. I choose to celebrate Shaun's life, and live my own as much as I can, so that it makes those sad moments like tonight, bearable, because tonight I grieve.