When faced with grief, I realize now that many people get stuck. Their lives seem to stand still, and they sit in their grief or anger or sadness. They are often they are unwilling or don't know how to move forward through this pain and heartache. They feel like they can never be truly happy again, and that their whole world has ended. I have seen this with those around me, and with those I connect with in support groups. I wondered what made them stuck, where I have been able to move forward with my life? What about my grieving was different? Then it came to me.
I gave myself permission to live.
It seems simple right? I knew that in order to heal, I had to ultimately move forward. Not move on, because you can't move on from something like this but move forward. I had to continue doing things that brought joy and happiness in my life, and also to surround myself with people who bring me joy and happiness. I had to continue to love, to have fun, to smile, go on adventures and to laugh. I decided that I'm not going to feel guilty about being happy even if Shaun isn't here to share it with me. What good would that bring? I know without a doubt that Shaun wants me to be happy, he wants me to enjoy life, he wants me to love, and most importantly he wants me to really live my life.
What does really living look like? For me it means not being afraid of being happy. It means doing the things I love to do. It means loving with all my heart, laughing through the tears, and celebrating life. You only have one life, and I am not about it waste it. Living for me means getting healthier. It means creating good in the world, serving others and bringing joy to others. My plan is to keep living, to keep loving and to keep laughing.
I understand the desire to want to stay in my grief, to close everyone out, to sit in my sadness. The truth is, some days that is what I want to do, but I don't. It's OK to cry, to get sad and grieve. It's important even. They key is to not set up camp and live there. I work through it and move forward. I make a choice every day to live my life. I let others in who love and support me. I make the choice to find happiness, to chase the "Sunshine," and to be at peace with my new normal. I didn't get to choose whether or not Shaun stayed here on earth with me, but I can choose to live my life in a way that he would want. Shaun wants me to be happy. He is cheering me on from the other side, letting me know that I can do this. It's not always easy, in fact most of the time it's not easy but happiness is worth fighting for, and worth working hard for. The only person's permission you need to live a happy life is your own, so do it.
I gave myself permission to live.
It seems simple right? I knew that in order to heal, I had to ultimately move forward. Not move on, because you can't move on from something like this but move forward. I had to continue doing things that brought joy and happiness in my life, and also to surround myself with people who bring me joy and happiness. I had to continue to love, to have fun, to smile, go on adventures and to laugh. I decided that I'm not going to feel guilty about being happy even if Shaun isn't here to share it with me. What good would that bring? I know without a doubt that Shaun wants me to be happy, he wants me to enjoy life, he wants me to love, and most importantly he wants me to really live my life.
What does really living look like? For me it means not being afraid of being happy. It means doing the things I love to do. It means loving with all my heart, laughing through the tears, and celebrating life. You only have one life, and I am not about it waste it. Living for me means getting healthier. It means creating good in the world, serving others and bringing joy to others. My plan is to keep living, to keep loving and to keep laughing.
I understand the desire to want to stay in my grief, to close everyone out, to sit in my sadness. The truth is, some days that is what I want to do, but I don't. It's OK to cry, to get sad and grieve. It's important even. They key is to not set up camp and live there. I work through it and move forward. I make a choice every day to live my life. I let others in who love and support me. I make the choice to find happiness, to chase the "Sunshine," and to be at peace with my new normal. I didn't get to choose whether or not Shaun stayed here on earth with me, but I can choose to live my life in a way that he would want. Shaun wants me to be happy. He is cheering me on from the other side, letting me know that I can do this. It's not always easy, in fact most of the time it's not easy but happiness is worth fighting for, and worth working hard for. The only person's permission you need to live a happy life is your own, so do it.